we are all beggars

i’ve seen some strange things on the subway here in korea, and during my month-long stay i’ve gotten pretty used to them. this includes drunk behavior, weird fashions, vendors hauling their carts selling knickknacks, even really dirty snotty men who blow the contents of their nose on the subway floor. but one thing always manages to unnerve me… people who go up and down the cars doing nothing more than simply begging.

there a couple of different types. some systematically work their way around the passengers and drop on their laps a half-sheet with an explanation of their plight and a polite request for assistance. there’s also those with crippled legs who wear some ridiculous rubber pants and push themselves along the floors with their stomachs on top of a rough wooden dolly. some, sin dolly and simply sliding on the floor. and there are some who simply repeat “도와주세요…” over and over with their cup outstretched.

i don’t know how to think when this happens. there’s a conflict of my desire to help that person, but reason kicks in and tells me that this is not a way that will help them, but make them more dependent on begging… that it’s not a permanent solution to their problem. it isn’t, for sure. but damn my reason. chesterton says that imagination doesn’t breed insanity, reason does. and it makes sense. how could i trust my own reasoning, something that’s been created and fostered by my godless surroundings? as they come by on their second round to pick up their papers, i always have this wild desire that makes me wanna tell them about jesus and wish oh so hard for korean fluency so that along with my money, i could tell them they're not alone and that they're loved. maybe this is some sort of proof of the craziness of reason.

i remember being so impressed when sam came up with the idea of homeless giftcard ministry in kcm. it took care of the worries that these druggies would spend their money on things we wouldn’t approve of, and touched upon the ministry aspect as well as it had a short but relevant bible verse in case the meeting was brief. a very good practical solution. although i haven’t seen very many giftcards in korea (most are for department stores), i’m sure there is an equally impacting way that this idea could be applied. i am lazy.

this past sunday i went to a church in 진주 and heard a sermon titled “the fat man in a dying city.” how ironic… i am definitely getting fat in this city. must have gained all my pre-insanity weight back. how much better am i than these people on the street and subway? korea seems like such an affluent, fashionable city but take a couple blocks’ walk and chances are you’ll pass people who aren’t so wealthy. go to seoul station and you’ll see one of the most popular gathering places for homeless people with their own stories but equally dirty and lacking basic necessities. how much better am i than they are, that i’m sitting here living off the fat off god’s grace? makes me grateful, then curious, then sad and confused, and finally i just throw the whole mess into the back of my mind so that i don’t have to be bothered by it anymore.

in front of 건대, there’s always the same man sitting on the street with his brown bowl. he’s really dark and burnt to a crisp, but besides that the first thing i noticed about him was his bare feet. they were cracked and swollen and he was sitting there in the rain, while right across from him there was a clothing store with a display rack full of socks… even though it’s summer, i wanna give that man socks. i think i will.