all that glitters is gold

I had a weird dream last night, weird even that I remembered enough of it to attempt writing about it at all. It starts off with me walking along a beach very much resembling the main beach in Lost (haha). By all means it was as richly turquoise and breezy and serenely beautiful as one could ever hope a beach could be. I was walking along but started heading away from the shore and towards that little place where Eko builds his church (haha, maybe I'm missing Lost a little too much). I'm surprised to see a really elaborate sandcastle there with impressive structure and intricate detailing and the towers nearly up to my chin! It was like those sandcastles you see in professional contests and all too perfect until upon closer look, I saw that one of the towers was destroyed... clearly someone had kicked it in. I was freaking pissed. But soon I became curious as I saw little bits and pieces of the broken tower twinkling in the sun, and I realized there were little thin shavings of gold embedded in the top part of the tower! I carefully pulled some out and set it to the side, then all of a sudden I had a stroke of madness and climbed right into the castle and stomped my foot into the main courtyard. Out came small pebbles of gold, then chunks, and as I dug deeper and deeper, huge rock-sized pieces that required both my arms to carry. I started carrying all my findings to a small building nearby (I think it was a church?) but now that I think about it, I had nothing on my conscience even though I knew I was digging to keep all that stuff. I even started working faster on transferring my booty (aha!) because I was afraid somebody would come and discover it. Flakes, pebbles, and boulders done, the only thing left was the towers. And when I broke them, LIQUID gold starting oozing out and I was in bliss. I don't know how I gathered all of it up and took it to the church building (probably used a Summoning Charm or something as equally genius), but right when I was about to store the last of it all, I found a nameless someone had discovered it and was waiting for me. And I still feel faint traces of the overwhelming guilt, guilt, guilt as the dream ended...

One of my old roommates told me how whenever her grandma dreamt about anything related to money or wealth, money would indeed soon come their way and bless their already rich and non-Christian lives. Prophecy dreams, I suppose. Pretty cool. Now I'm not one to be insanely money-greedy, nor am I in such a financial jam that I'd be dreaming about something like this. Perhaps this the beginning of Mammon's real hold on me? Whatever it is, I'm honestly pretty creeped out. I've always thought myself impervious to certain things, or okay certain SINS and this is/was one of them. I honestly don't want the rich lifestyle and all the requirements and work that comes with it, I just want to live simply. But alas, my proud and unrealistic heart.

2009's been THE year of the revealing of my sins all throughout. It's been a pretty emotionally nerve-wracking year as God finally granted my years-old prayer and song, "open the eyes of my heart, Lord" and I was pasted flat on the ground by the weight of it all. While it might seem like it was horrid, I'm so grateful for the beginning of what's going to be a really long, hard, and tedious process of cutting through my titanium heart and laying it all out like a human should be. I finished reading Screwtape Letters this past week (upon much pressing from Joan), and just..... wow. Sin is sin separate from me, and everyday I gotta clear my vision and actively fight this spiritual fight. Go read this if you haven't already, it's a must for Christians, and even if you're not a believer, C.S. Lewis takes on a really unique POV in writing it. They're literally letters from one demon (Screwtape) to his demon nephew (Wormwood), instructing and guiding him how to correctly befuddle his "patient" (a human) to turn away from God through a lot of things that seem normal and not so bad. Regardless, you'll be rocked. Trust.

I have so much more on my mind but it's 12am and it's way past my bedtime... sad. Brief runthrough: I've gone up a pants size and I'm getting mad and depressed at the same time, I'm so proud of my Katie Kim aka the hottest new reporter in Michigan, is it worth it to get a live Christmas tree this year? qualms about recent changes in the iglesia, I'm definitely noticing myself becoming more antisocial, I'm perpetually cold from head to toes in my house nowadays, Christmas songs are already beginning to annoy me (bah humbug), and all I wanna do AS OF THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW is to go to LAX and hop on an airplane for Argentina.

4 to 6 to 8?

Being at home is not good for me for many reasons, but the most pressing and visible (no pun intended) is because I'm getting fat, FAT and FATTER by the day.

Sadly, this is all I can think of writing right now. Qué lástima.